Sunday, November 20, 2011

If you remember scenes like this, you'll understand where I get my snarky, cynical and often sarcastic commentary from. I find humor and see the flip side of life in everything, along with the hypocrisy of living in these modern, and care-less days. Imagine the cramped, legless spaces available on airlines today, combined with lousy stale food, drink and entertainment available for purchase, and'll see why I am so cynical. Everywhere you go these days, less is less.

We rush around like idiots, drive like idiots and stand in line like idiots, all for sub-par service served up with crappy attitudes and snotty comments. I am always overly-polite and gushingly friendly and a bit wild & witty with people who work in the service industry when I meet them. They usually enjoy that, although not often. It's the ones who don't appreciate that spark my creativity and revenge. I've worked as a service person my share of the time. I know what it's like on both sides of the table.

I once flew on a plane similar to this back in the days when flying was an adventure and a party. You could jazz the stewardesses, and back then, they were actually called stewardesses. You could smoke cigarettes, drink a real cocktail and celebrate your adventure. I even sat in the back of a plane one time and smoked pot with some new friends. The stewardesses thought it was funny and they called me, Sweet Pea and even gave me a complimentary bottle of champagne when I got off the plane.
I really know how to smooth talk the help and have a good time.

Back in the day, the stewardess actually carved turkey or roast beef for you. I once quipped: Ah, life's a banquet and we're eating on the plane.
Well, not any more.

Now they're called, Flight Attendents which is actually hysterical because all they do is hand you peanuts, pretzels and a shitty drink, then they hand you a crappy meal that you have to pay for, and pick up your trash. On our flight a few days ago, my partner was given a bag of pretzels that must have weighed half and ounce. It was a teensy little bag with eight teensy little pretzels in it. It looked like something you would give a two year old, or a really tiny midget.

Honestly, I don't know why the airlines just don't save all of us time and money and get rid of flight attendants, needless as they are. When was the last time you saw a bus attendant? Honestly, the airlines ought to set up a bar in the back of the plane, and just let people get up and get what they like. Perhaps they can have bar stools and spicy peanuts & snack mix on the bar, and just skip the lousy, teensy tiny stale food.

They don't even have to demonstrate safety, because the monitors do it for them. As if you're actually not going to claw people to death as you're clamoring to get off of a plane that's just crashed because you are so stupid that you need to wait for assistance from a woman named Yolanda or Betsy.

That is if you survive.

I just flew from Savannah to Atlanta to Orange county the other day, and the safety video said that once the plane crashes, and I'm actually in the water, my blow up life-vest will light up with blinking blue lights.
I looked at the "flight attendant" who was standing next to me and I said: Gee, that's comforting. "Once the plane crashes and I'm in the water."

She said, don't worry, I'll be floating nearby and will look for your blinking blue light.

Gee, thanks Hon.

My book: The Kooks, The Nuts & The Crazy by Steven Hough is now available in paperback.

I have ordered a bunch of copies to be sent to me personally, so I can sign them and send them off with a personal note. If you love to laugh, and I guarantee this book will make you laugh out loud, send me a private message, and I will give you the details on how you can get a signed copy of my new book.
Send a message to me at:


*Also, the book is available for download on e-books, Kindle, Amazon and other venues.

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