I think Facebook must think I am really important or something, because next to my profile picture it says I have 481 things to review. Does Facebook think I am the chairman of my page or something, and that I need to review things now? Why would I want to review anything? I'm just shitting around here for giggles on Facebook. I don't take it that seriously, do you?
They want me to approve tags, adds to other pages and groups. I have something like 1,425 invites to groups and group functions. Do you people think I am going to fly around the world attending special functions? Heck, I didn't even look at the invites until just now. I usually ignore them, and only look at them when my page flashes to one. I have so many that it would take me two days just to delete them all, so I just let them pile up there, and ignore them.
I've been invited to a 28th Annual Gathering and I have no idea what the gathering is even for, heck I don't even know the people who invited me. There is one invite for a BBQ all the way on the other side of the country. How do they even know if I like BBQ? Do you know how much time and money it would cost me to fly to say, St. Augustine for a BBQ? Even if I got a "to go" bag of ribs, it wouldn't make up for the cost of going there. Do people think I don't know how to make my own BBQ? Maybe I'm a vegan, or soemthing. Oh crap, I bet I'll get vegan requests now.
I have messages for links to, "Browse Single Women In My Area." I mean, for crap's sake, don't they know I'm as gay as Liberace? I've been homo-partnered for thirty two years, now. My page even says I'm in a domestic partnership with a man. What would my partner say if he thought I was browsing for single women via Facebook? How do they even know where my area is? Nobody knows where my area is, or even where I am. Well, maybe one person knows where I am right now, but I can guarantee you that nobody else does. I rarely tell people where I am. I don't want people coming to look for me, or worse, invite me to something I don't really care about or want to attend. Suppose I'm in Poughkeepsie and someone wants me to drop by for their Granny's 95th? I don't even care about your family, much less your granny.
Why don't you people mind your own business? I have an invite to find out about the Oomph in a 150 badge. Whatever that is. There is a link with a ferret on it, asking me to research EVO food for my pet. It's says it's a low-carb, high protein diet for dogs, cats and ferrets. I don't even have a ferret, I don't even know why anyone would own a ferret. Why can't people leave ferrets alone? Leave 'em where they grow, naturally? What makes you think a ferret would want you to own it?
One of my invites is for, "Poop Noodle T-Shirts," and another one of the invites I have is for an event that happened last month. They want me to RSVP. I don't think I will. I mean, it's over, why should I? I have an invitation to Necro speed dating. What the heck is that? I've been invited to, "Lorna Listens." I don't know a Lorna, and if I did, I would probably un-friend her because I think Lorna is a stupid name.
One of the invitations has Dr. Phil's picture on it, and if anyone knows me, they know that Dr. Phil is one person I cannot stand. I'd rather have lunch with Rush Limbaugh, than listen to Dr. Phil, and I hate Rush Limbaugh's guts. He really makes me want to gag my guts out.
The least you people could do, would be to send me a pretty, formal invitation in the mail. Maybe with a little present attached. Something I could hold onto. Something a bit more personal.
But on second thought, why can't you people just leave me alone?